Wordless Wednesday (Pair of Three Edition)

How about this lovely trio of pictures for a Christmas gift?

Better check the price.....

Pair of 3?

...... more things that make the Big Green Pen see RED!

Picture credits to eagle eye (and math teacher) Susan Nelson!

1,000 Marbles, A Year Late

There are so many things floating around in my head tonight that I want to write about. Here is the one that has percolated to the top. It is a message I should have shared with seven people a year ago.

 

In October 2009, a day or two after being given a nice "Boss's Day" card from my staff, I was informed that I was being transferred from my position as Director of Customer Service at Healthy Kids to Director of Health Plan Services and Contract Management. One thing the change meant was leaving behind seven people who had reported to me; in my new position I do not directly supervise anyone. 

I had a "plan" for closure. I wanted to take them all to lunch, give them a little jar of marbles, and give them a copy of A Thousand Marbles, and, in so doing, create a moment of transition, a time in which I could say goodbye and share some time with them as this reporting relationship ended. I never did that. As personal expenses mounted, I couldn't afford to take everyone to lunch (or so I thought). One thing led to another and before I knew it, a full year had passed and I had never formally done anything. It comes up in my mind as I pass them in the hall every day, and when they pass me on their way to talk to their new supervisor. 

I do want to point out that one thing that has struck me the most about this transition is the mixture of complete relief at the freedom that comes from not being responsible for seven other people's professional environment and, conversely, utter loss at the void that comes from not having a leadership role in seven other people's professional journeys. As much as I struggled with the intense demands of coordinating so many moving parts in our organization, I also felt a very deep desire to help these people move toward finding their professional and personal "bliss". 

To those people, here is a taste of what has gone unsaid:

I love this place and this cause. I have loved it since I first got "in the loop" of this concept way back in 1991, before the first child was ever enrolled. I have not been the kind of supervisor I wanted to be - I wanted to be the kind of supervisor I look up to the most - one who understands enough of the details about what we do that they can converse intelligently about it but also one who has the management skills to help people want to be the best they can be and not operate out of a position of fear. I believe in being proactive rather than reactive. I believe that people respond to many different types of incentives, not just financial. I believe that people need to understand how their responsibilities fit in to the big picture. I believe that every employee of Healthy Kids and its contractors does a better job if they have met one of our beneficiaries or have somehow "walked in those shoes."  It made me proud when employees said how much they enjoyed and took pride in working through the challenging process of developing custody procedures. I felt hopeful about the dialogue we were having as I was sharing the results of my 360 evaluation and the feedback you were giving me about how I could be a more effective leader. I loved sharing various pieces of writing and videos I had run across that I thought may help you like what you did better. 

To summarize, I think there were things I did well as a supervisor and things that I did abysmally. I hope you know that I hold a deep respect for each of you as individuals and want the best for you. 

One of my favorite statements about work, by Hugh MacLeod, is contained on a Gaping Void cartoon that I have taped to my door: 

You don’t have to get a job with a famous company or hot-shot industry in order to have a spectacular career. You just have to do what you do with reverence.

I believe that loving what you do enough that you approach it with reverence is half of the equation for a happy life. I wish each of you this happiness and thank you for the privilege of having been your supervisor.

Zipping Along Boldly (A Mama Kat Writers Workshop Prompt)

We participants in Mama's Losin' It had five words to choose from for our writing prompts this week. Just words.  Our choices were: simple, angsty, excruciating, enchanted, and bold.  The Random Number Generator gave me bold.

I didn't immediately know what I was going to say about "bold," but the images that came to mind rather quickly were the ones I see every day on Facebook from North Georgia Canopy Tours.  People zip through gorgeous foliage, having a blast (looks that way from the pictures at least!), and I am sure for a few of these people, they have to tackle some "fear of heights" issues as they embark on their adventures.  I send much gratitude to NGCT for sending me four pictures hand-selected by staff, within about an hour of me asking for something to use in my blog.  Without further ado, images of "the ultimate treetop adventure" combined with a few thoughts from me and friends about boldness.

Boldness Bit #1:  Although the dictionary defines "boldness" as having a "fearless daring spirit," I agree with my friend Jacqui who says boldness is "doing what needs to be done despite of whatever fears or apprehensions are wrapped around a situation. It's about digging deep within oneself and finding courage. So for me, BOLD is about finding and acting with COURAGE in the face of FEAR!!!"  Boldness is not really fearlessness, but coming to terms with the fear.

(Joe from North Georgia Canopy Tours)

Boldness Bit #2:  Sometimes, boldness is about the quieter, stronger choices we make.  When I was with a group of women a few weeks back, talk turned to a woman who wasn't there and some of the interactions she had had with members of our group.  One individual said, "I don't like her, do you?" to a few other group members.  One woman in the group just smiled and said, "I am not going to be involved in talking about her." It wasn't condescending or self-righteous, just gracefully extricating herself out of a negative, demeaning conversation and defending someone who wasn't there to do it herself. Quietly bold.

(Jenna from North Georgia Canopy Tours)

Boldness Bit #3: My friend Dan told me about boldly (or sneakily?) getting into sporting events free since he was 14.  He describes, "great seats, on the field, in the locker rooms (1969 Mets, drinking out of the Stanley Cup with the 1980 Islanders), the 1980 America/ Russsia Hockey game, in the ring with Muhammad Ali with pictures to back it all, interviews with players, right time right place for a specific game with no tickets or press passes and never getting caught. Now those were the days when it could be done. Bold or a sneak take your pick For me both!!!" Boldness that brings you "THISCLOSE" to legends.

(Unidentified ZipLine Adventurer at North Georgia Canopy Tours!)

Boldness Bit #4:  There is a boldness that benefits another human being forever, that the person making the bold choice may never personally benefit from and will probably grieve over for a lifetime.  My goddaughter Riley's biological mother made the bold choice to surrender Riley into a family with unconditional love to spare.  When I see this beautiful picture of all the gorgeous colors, I am grateful for our family's legacy of adopting multiracial children. A kaleidoscope of bold family love.

(Autumn Colors at North Georgia Canopy Tours)

Thank you again to North Georgia Canopy Tours for the

great photographs!

Wordless Wednesday (Big Apple Christmas Edition)

Thank you to my friend Duane Archer for sharing these wonderful pictures of Christmas 2010 in New York City.  Enjoy!

To Awake Satisfied - An Advent Devotional

Each year, the parishioners of my church, Holy Comforter, contribute devotionals for the season of Advent. This is my contribution for 2010. 

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;

When I awake I shall be satisfied, beholding your likeness.

-Psalm 17:15

December 3, 2010, is the seventeenth anniversary of the death of my sister-in-law, Ann Kiger Paredes. Ann died in her sleep of an undiagnosed genetic cardiac disorder, at the age of 30. She left behind a husband, a six year old son, a three year old daughter, and a six month old baby girl.

Christmas 1993 was not an easy holiday for our family. Ann’s coworker, Faith Bass, captured the feeling in her poem, “Is There Christmas in Heaven?” from which I have provided an excerpt:

Do you exchange gifts,

have parties and such,

or is your only wish to be mortal,

to feel your child’s touch?

Are you watching us from heaven?

Do you feel our grief?

Is living in heaven such a relief?

Ann’s children are young adults now. How I wish she could have been here among us over the past seventeen years, marveling in their growth and, yes, grumbling about the trials and tribulations of parenthood. For some reason, God gave us, her family, that gift. When I “hang out” with that nephew and those nieces whose world was so drastically shaken so long ago, I know Ann is with us when I see Zack’s “AEK” tattoo on his arm, when Logan says something that just has that “Ann” tone to it, and when Jordan still has that exuberant little sparkle in her eye she did as a youngster.

I still do not understand why Ann did not wake up before dawn on December 3, 1993. She awoke to the likeness of God. As you contemplate the gifts of Christmas, may you awaken to a Godly likeness with every moment.

The Kiger Siblings, 1991 (Ann is 2nd from the left)

This Friendship was "Mint" To Be (A Mama Kat Writers Workshop Prompt)

I usually let the random number generator "assign" me one of the five weekly Mama's Losin' It writing prompts. This week, the random number generator picked number 3: CONTROVERSY! Are the new security measures performed by the TSA really that bad? Take a stance! I am not writing to that prompt, partially because I am so hungry to travel almost anywhere that I wouldn't let a full-body scan and a little TSA churlishness get in my way. I chose prompt number 1, proposed by Elizabeth from Mama Sick: Have you ever had a fight with a long time best friend and never made up? Do you think about her from time to time and think about contacting her? What would you say? What if it didn’t work out? What if it did?

Answering prompt number 1 gives me an opportunity to look back on a time when a good friendship was fractured, to ask why the heck that happened, and to enthuse about how much happier we both are now that all of that is behind us (except when it is being resurrected in a blog, I suppose........)

Not everyone "gets" my humor. "J" did, immediately, and served it back to me. We were working on a project together at the State Department of Education. The people were great, the project was worthwhile, and friendship blossomed rapidly. We all worked together to produce a fantastic teleconference (back in the day when you had to have "I-Spy-like" coordinates to tell people how to talk to each other via satellite). The speed with which she and I bonded was second only to the speed with which entire sleeves of Thin Mint cookies seemed to go AWOL when either of us was around.


Then, somewhat abruptly, things got weird. There was a bit of a shift in the org chart, changing our positions slightly. There was a ........

....looking back on it I can't articulate how and why we went from "thick as thieves" to "not speaking." Several months of this went by, months when it was pretty challenging to be in such close physical proximity while our attitudes toward each other were inifinitely distant.


It takes a whole lot of energy, and I don't mean happy, "walking on sunshine" energy. I mean negative, "everyone around me ought to wallow down here in the angry ditch with me" energy to maintain this kind of personal freezeout.


I can still picture in my mind where I was (in my old little green duplex watching Seinfeld) when I called her. We chatted, did a little work on trying to figure out how we had gone from scarfing thin mints together to avoiding eye contact and putting up walls. Things were better for the next few months. Eventually, she moved away from Florida and I moved to a new job.

(fast elapse here of about fifteen years)

Enter Facebook, that intrepid facilitator of reunions.


She and I got reconnected via Facebook, and have had a fabulous time getting reacquainted, sharing thin mint reminiscences, and supporting each other. On days when no one else comments on my blog, I know I can almost always count on her chiming in. That is a priceless act of support.


What is the takeaway from this experience? For me, every single time I hear someone start a conversation that is essentially structured like this: "I haven't spoken to [name] in three weeks, ever since (s)he [list minor infraction/perceived inequity/etc. here]. The ball's in their court. They've gotta go first" I think to myself "you have started yourself on a death spiral - the more you pull your physical and emotional energy inward, the faster you will continue to descend as opposed to ascend." Many of these situations start out so minor, and we deprive ourselves of some very satisfying friendship time (not to mention annoying the people around us who are often caught in the middle) when we lack the courage to go ahead and address things early.


In October, J and I had a chance to meet up when she came to Tallahassee for a football game. We had a great visit over breakfast. The only thing missing was the thin mints.

The picture that J. tagged "me" in on my birthday!

A quarrel between friends, when made up, adds a new

 tie to friendship

. - St. Francis De Sales

Wordless Wednesday (Thanksgiving Morning Edition)

Fall colors aren't usually Tallahassee's strong point.

Thanks, Southwood, for this Thanksgiving morning treat!