Just For One Day

A blog post popped up on my Facebook today that changed my blog post topic for tonight and how my entire day will go tomorrow. The Communication Shutdown will help raise funds for and awareness of autism worldwide. Jess's post, which was followed a bit later by its twin post on Luau's blog, invited us to join her in shutting down Facebook and Twitter communication for one day, in "a symbolic gesture of solidarity and support for those who struggle every day to communicate."

Why does it matter to me? I do not have a child with autism. I have zero right to claim to have any idea of what it feels like to be part of a family with a member who has autism. BUT, for some reason God has given me a couple of opportunities to have a glimpse into what people facing HUGE challenges feel. One was when I had a "suspicious area in my breast" ten years ago, waited 30 days for the needle biopsy, then arrived for the biopsy and watched the surgeon scratch his head as he performed 11 mammograms to try to find something that wasn't there anymore (thank God for that valium!). The second was when Wayne "failed" his screening through the First Words Project at the age of 12 months. The screening involves a "pre screen" that is a form filled out by the parent (I completed his when his first birthday picture was taken at the Tallahassee Democrat). It asks questions like, "does your child point to demonstrate something he wants?" For the period between the initial results of the screening (which stated he was below normal for his age) until he was released from the First Words project at the age of two with the status of "must have been just a slow talker; all caught up," I was on an emotional seesaw teetering between trying to determine how we would pay for years of special therapies, wondering how our family would adapt to deal with a child with a communication disorder, and rejoicing disproportionately with every single tiny advance (like pointing to a desired object).

No, I don't know what it feels like to be the parent of a child with autism, but I have had a fleeting taste of what it feels like to wonder if autism is going to touch my family, and that has raised my empathy level for parents of kids with autism by about 500%.

Now, about the "no Facebook, no Twitter" part of this.  I described my personal social media approach in this post. Short version: although it has its drawbacks, I love it! Although I don't feel the need for an extended social media hiatus like many blog about, I have been curious to see if my ability to focus would improve if my social media "stuff" were not at the tip of my fingers on my smart phone.

In addition, it alarmed me a bit when Tenley, whose math text is on cd and who has to request a "real" book and provide a reason for the request, told her teacher that I use our home computer to freelance a lot (true), but then told me that she said it that way "because I didn't want to tell my teacher you're on Facebook all the time."  Ouch. 

That said, here are some things I won't be able to do tomorrow:

• Say "happy birthday" to any FB friends who have November 1 birthdays
• Click "like" to indicate that I am amused by, supportive of, or in some other way feeling positive about someone else's post
• Promote this blog via Facebook and Twitter (so please feel free to share it if you liked it!)
• Check on my daughter's profile to see who her friends are and what she's up to

Here are some things I will be able to do tomorrow:

• Focus more effectively at work without the siren call of social media
• Get out the door in the morning without being "hair on fire" stressed because I spent so much time on social media that I don't have time to iron, blow dry, or dress
• Let any good or bad news sit until Tuesday - and give myself something to look forward to
• Remind people who see that I am participating in the Communications Shutdown that the world can be frightening and overwhelming to a person with autism (and their family)

See you Tuesday!

Your Home is My Home (A Mama Kat Writing Workshop Prompt)

For tonight's post, the random number generator handed me prompt #2: If you could witness (or take part in) any event in history, what would it be? Why?  This sounded deceptively easy until I tried to decide what historic event I would write about.  My decision coalesced when I was commenting on Dan Rockwell's Leadership Freak post "Pressure to Be Invisible." 

In my response to Dan's post, I was answering the question: Can you think of people who changed the world by standing out?  Here is a modified version of what I said, utilizing information from the Tallahassee Democrat's 2006 Special Edition on the 50th anniversary of our town's Bus Boycott: 

There was a (white) family here in Tallahassee (George and Clifton Lewis) who, in the mid 50′s, opened their home to black people; George (a prominent banker) made loans to black homeowners and those who were jailed. Believe me when I say that there are times even in 2010 when this town struggles with civic equality (it is exponentially better, of course); for a family like this to take such a step in the 50′s really boggles my mind and makes me humbly respectful. They changed the world and stood out by opening their doors, literally and figuratively.

I learned about the Lewis family from Edwina Stephens.  Tenley and I visited Edwina several years ago; she had been recommended to me as someone who Tenley could interview in order to learn about the history of race relations in Tallahassee (the Democrat was compiling information gathered by schoolchildren).  I am pretty sure I learned at least as much and maybe more than Tenley.  Mrs. Stephens talked to us for well over an hour.  I really wish I could have the tape recording back, but it seems to have disappeared into a black hole at the Democrat's offices.  I don't need the recording, though, to conjure up in my mind the parts of our conversation that have stuck with me: how lynchings occurred at the tree that still stands on the grounds of our Old Capitol, how impossible it was for an African American person in Tallahassee to prove "competence" to vote (how many soap bubbles on the bar of soap? having to solve complicated mathematical equations); how dangerous it was to treat a white child at the black hospital, even if the child's health were in serious jeopardy; the separate education systems.  I don't recall the specific details she shared about the Lewis family, but I remember her talking about how, to the shock and disdain of their fellow Tallahasseeans, they supported the town's black citizens through financial assistance and emotional support.

Edwina Stephens and Tenley (2005)

George Lewis provided financial support to Tallahassee's black citizens, and Clifton Lewis opened their home to blacks and marched in civil rights demonstrations.  I always wonder if I would have the courage to do what's right in the face of disdain and outright hostility from my peers.   For example, several years ago I was at a family gathering and a cousin who I only see every few years, but with whom I have always considered myself fairly close, told a joke that was anti-semitic and racist.  I froze.  What to do?  I ended up saying, "Oh, so that's a [name of small town he lives in] joke, huh?"  My response, in belittling his town, may not have been any better than his original attempt at humor. 


To get back to the prompt's original question, I would like to have been a witness to the turning of the civil rights tides here in Tallahassee, and I would like to have been at Clifton Lewis's side when she said, "come on in - your home is my home."

Good Plain Fun (A Mama Kat Writing Workshop Prompt)

Note:  I am reposting this (originally written in April 2010) because it is the post I had in mind when I suggested to Mama Kat that one of her weekly writing prompts be: a book (or something) you loved as a kid that you see completely differently now that you are an adult/mom.  That was certainly true for me when I re-read Diary of a Young Girl.  As a teenager, I sympathized with Anne, specifically with her loss of freedom.  As a mom, I experienced a completely different layer of sentiment - how as a parent would I try to help my teenager make sense of a world that has been so completely turned inside out?  I am pleased as can be that this prompt is one of this week's choices.  I can't wait to read the posts by other writers who chose it!

Today, April 11, 2010, is Holocaust Remembrance Day. As my contribution, I am sharing an essay I wrote last year. I originally wrote this essay in response to a Literary Mama prompt. I never heard back from them, but I loved writing this piece and fantasizing about it actually happening. I re-read (via audiobook) "The Diary of A Young Girl" prior to writing this essay and discovered that a) Anne Frank's name was probably pronounced like "Donna" as opposed to "Dan" and b) reading this book now that I am the parent of a teenager was a completely different experience than it had been when I was a young girl myself.


The prompt essentially instructed us to write, in 500 words or less, how we would interact with our favorite author. How would we conduct the interaction, and what would we ask?

Good Plain Fun With My Favorite Author

Anne Frank’s diary could have been penned by my own 13 year old. When I listened to the audiobook version today, this is the line that most resonated with my current “parent a teenager” mode: “I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever …… merely see me as a teenager badly in need of some good plain fun.”

I would not want to have a serious conversation with Anne. She had enough “serious” in her time in hiding than anyone should have in a lifetime, much less fifteen years. Rather than a deep conversation, I would want to have little snippets of overheard online conversation like I have with my daughter, who is usually too busy having fun to converse at length with me.


(I am waiving “real time” in order to invite Anne into our home as an exchange student. )


Introduction:

Our family lives in Tallahassee, Florida. I am Paula, and my husband is Wayne. Our daughter, Tenley, is 13. Our son, Wayne, is 10. We also have a cat, Alice Cooper. Tenley is a cheerleader, and our son Wayne likes cars and video games.


From Anne:

I am a little apprehensive about leaving my family behind but the adventures ahead will be all worth it! I am 13 (like your daughter!!) and have a sister who is three years older than me. I have had several cats, but I haven’t ever had a younger brother.


I am only 13 but I am positive I want to be a journalist someday. My diary will make the trip with me. I enjoy reading and French, but my family would probably say my favorite pastime is talking. Thank goodness for Skype!


Once our family learns we’ll be having an exchange student, Facebook attests:


TENLEY’S STATUS: Exchange student coming!!!!!!!!!!

FRIEND’S COMMENT: What’s her name?


TENLEY: Anne

FRIEND’S COMMENT: Where’s she from?


TENLEY: Holland.


FRIEND’S COMMENT: She’ll LOVE the dress code at school.

OTHER FRIEND’S COMMENT: I hope they have belts in Holland.


ANOTHER FRIEND’S COMMENT: LOL

Fast forward to December, about a third of the way through the school year.

More Facebook:

ANNE'S STATUS: Soccer game against Deer Lake tonight with Tenley!

TENLEY’S STATUS: “LIKE”!

MY (PAULA'S)  STATUS: Go Raa Rams!

ANOTHER FRIEND’S STATUS: My mom is so lame; I’m grounded.


TENLEY, HER FRIENDS: DISLIKE!!


MY (PAULA'S) STATUS: Hey, back off the mom hating!!


HER STATUS: Tomorrow I start my first Hanukkah in the US! Missing my family (even my mom).


SEVERAL FRIENDS COMMENTS: {{HUGS}}


ANNE: Thanks! ILY


The letter I send home with Anne when she goes back to Holland talks about how we enjoyed having another teenager around (even if it did double the drama factor), and tells her to always remember the crazy funny things she did with her US girlfriends – the dress code, the “sleepless” sleepovers, the shaving cream fights ….. to always know that the Kiger house is where she can lay her head and dream her journalist’s dreams, after days and nights of good plain fun.

Wordless Wednesday (Vote! Edition)



It's not the hand that signs the law that holds the destiny of America
It's the hand that casts the ballot
-Harry S. Truman



Thoughts As I Close in on 60 DWR*

*DWR = Days Without Running

When I look back at my training logs, especially from the perspective of the time that has elapsed, I can pinpoint my injury to early July 2010, when I decided to do some homegrown speedwork.  What I thought was plantar fasciitis ended up being more of an ankle joint/tendon injury, and like many runners, I kept on running in hopes of "working it out."  I actually had a pretty fun summer of running, despite the regression in my times and the circuit of chiropractors, doctors, ultrasound treatments, and inserts.  Finally, after the Miller's Landing Madness 8K on August 28, I accepted and decided to act upon the sound advice I had received from several reliable sources:  it was time for a break from running.

Miller's Landing Madness 8K (8/28/10)

Photo credit:  Herb Wills

It was at a PiYo (fusion pilates/yoga) class 24 DWR that some of the information those reliable sources had been imparting to me started to click -- information about how our core really provides "a solid base upon which all other muscles can work upon to initiate movement," as described at the Virtual Sports Injury Clinic.  When I took my shoes off, entered the downward dog position, and felt my achilles, calf muscle, and hamstring all stretch in unison, something loosened up in my brain a bit too regarding my approach to running and fitness.

Here's a breakdown of my DWR journey:

17 days on my old but still fundamentally sound (enough) bike
11 rest days
9 swimming days
9 walking days
5 RealRyder days (2 of which included a TRX workout)
5 PiYo/Yoga days

I have had some fantastic guides along this unexpected (but quite rewarding) journey.  One influence has been a RunRunLive podcast in which Chris Russell interviewed Jessi Stensland of Movement U.  She talked about the core and her work with athletes in many different disciplines.  Her comments echoed those of Jeff and Ann Bowman of RevTriCoaching, my swimming coaches, who pointed out that your core has to drive the motion of your arms and legs, or else you waste energy.  Kim Bibeau and staff at Sweat Therapy Fitness have introduced me to the RealRyder challenge, to TRX (which made itself known to me for DAYS afterwards), and by offering a few complimentary sessions of PiYo helped me get acquainted with something I clearly needed.  Journeys in Yoga has helped me extend my interest in yoga, stretching and strengthening my body as well as my spirit.  Jeff and Diane at PRSFit shared their experience,  knowledge, and wisdom with me. 

I wrote Chris when a friend was starting her "DWR Journey" a few weeks behind me.  I was searching (and failing) for something to say that would make her feel better and less defeated.  Here's what Chris said:

Running is such a large part of your life, a personal part, losing it is like losing a friend. You will go through the cycle of grieving. Denial (your friend), Anger, Sadness, acceptance and learning. Once you know this your big brain can cope. Once you set your immediate goals aside and take the long view you can move ahead in a positive manner. I like to think of time off as a "great gathering of strength". Time off allows not only physical healing but allows you to put this thing, this running, this gift in perspective.

Now that I am approaching 60 DWR, I am so happy to be more in the "learning" phase than the "sadness" and "anger" stages.  Over the past two weeks, there have been times when I can almost physically feel the area that had been so painful and tender throughout the summer knitting itself back together.  I suppose I owe my body the courtesy of giving it a chance to put itself back together, right?  I also owe it the courtesy of preparing the "solid base" of a core from which all of the other good, fun, challenging exertion can come.  To those of you who have helped guide this journey, thanks!  When I eventually cross a 5K finish line in less than 30 minutes, there may only be one runner but a bevy of virtual "teammates." 

It's About Time for "About Me" (a Mama Kat Writing Workshop Prompt)

When Mama Kat published her weekly writing prompts this week, I put the five options into the Random Number Generator, and came up with a prompt that would have been interesting to write to (In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?).  However, prompt number two kicked me in the procrastinating butt and reminded me that my BigGreenPen webpage is still under wraps, primarily because I haven't finished doing the writing to flesh the page out. That is why tonight I will be writing to this prompt (and getting a step closer to activating my web page in doing so):  About me. Do you have an about me page? Because people want to know. Write a page that describes who you are and what you’re about or spruce up your current about me page!

The screen print of the www.biggreenpen.com site that is under development.

 

With gratitude to Mama Kat for this prompt, I am happy to share the newly composed "About Me" content for http://www.biggreenpen.com/:

***

Introducing myself through these one-dimensional words on a computer screen seems so impersonal! However, you are there and I am here, so we will give it a shot.

In a way, my Twitter profile says it all:

Wife of one, Mom of two, friend of many

The beauty of a website is that I can use more than 140 characters to introduce myself.

My husband, Wayne, and I got married in 1992. (We met on a blind date!) We had our daughter, Tenley, in 1996, and our son, Wayne, in 1999.

I have a bachelor's degree in Child Development and Family Relations from Florida State University.  My master's degree, also from FSU, is in Counseling and Human Systems.

I took my "bite of the Big Apple" from 1989-1992, when I coordinated the internship program at Fordham University.

When Wayne and I decided to get married and locate in Tallahassee, I worked in communications for the Florida Department of Education's Comprehensive School Health Program.

In 1994, I moved to the Florida Healthy Kids Corporation, which at the time was a fledgling program designed to insure uninsured children. "Fledgling" would never describe Healthy Kids now -- we have more than 225,000 enrollees, federal funding, and 30+ staff members.  I have done pretty much every task there except for accounting.

Throughout the years, reading and writing have always been a thread running through my life. In New York, I proofread professionally for Ballantine Books. I am a voracious reader who actually still communicates via snail mail with some people.  I am the "go to" girl for friends who need "one more eye" to tighten up and clarify their writing.

There are other things that I like to give my energy to also:  acting, running, being with my church family, and mobilizing volunteers. 

I also love quotes, and have chosen this one to sum up my approach to the things I do:

You don’t have to get a job with a famous company or hot-shot industry in order to have a spectacular career. You just have to do what you do with reverence.

--Hugh MacLeod

Wordless Wednesday (The "WhataNight" Edition)

(My 4 am Project Whataburger memories)

Hard workers ...

Hard Players...

Around the clock...