As I was reading the book, I had the distinct feeling that the universe's vibes were aligning to give me some life experiences that would result in me adding more tabs. Like the phone call I got from Wayne's teacher telling me that he had decided not to turn in his art project, one he had been looking for about three weeks prior and that I had put out of my mind. Like my 13 year old getting threatened to be "beat up" because she stated something factual (yet incendiary) in a phone conversation. Like the parent of one of my son's peers who called to say my son had had possession of his kid's "Phiten" necklace four months ago and since it could not be found any longer our family should pony up a replacement. Yeesh. How is it that everything I learned obtaining a degree in Child Development and Family Relations, as well as a master's degree in Counseling and Human Systems, goes out the door when I cross my own threshold?
Although I didn't agree with 100% of Betsy Brown Braun's suggestions, the book did help me take a step back from the intense, subjective aspects of parenting and think about some logical, concrete tactics that I can use to parent more effectively and restore the balance of authority in our household. Ms. Braun reminds us parents that:
"...as you well know, your child is not like a self-basting turkey; he's not going to emerge well-seasoned and having just the right tenderness without effort."So true.
Ms. Braun breaks each chapter into an introductory "theory" section that discusses parenting topics such as "Growing an Empathetic Child," "Teaching Responsibility," " Instilling Honesty in Your Child," and "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme! - Eliminating Spoilage in Your Child." These introductory sections are followed by Tips and Scripts that provide concrete methods for applying the theory. In the chapter on Building Independence, for example, Ms. Braun encourages us to Support your child's interests; they may become his passions. As a parent who has struggled to "let go" of Tenley's successful and intense gymnastics career, I took to heart Ms. Braun's reminder that, "Your child needs to live his life, not yours."
In the chapter on Instilling Honesty, one of the tips is: When it's done, let it go. How often does a particularly memorable incident become part of family lore? Yes, I have had one of my two children steal something from a store. Yes, I marched this child back into the store and made the child return the item. Yes, many years later I still joke around with this child about the incident. Ms. Braun reminds us parents that, "Your child must not feel defined by her transgressions."
Again, so true.
One of the appendices of this book is called The Ethical Will of a Grandfather to His Grandson. Although the book goes into thorough detail and provides specific tips, this appendix almost completes sums up the point in one page. I particularly liked:
- When there is a job to do -- do a good job, never a sloppy one.
- When your time is free, explore the things you think might be interesting. Follow your curiosities.
- Think for yourself. Don't believe what you read or what other people say, unless it seems true to you.
Blue hair? It happens.
Ups and Downs of Parenting? Yep, that happens too:
Two children worth taking the time to read a book that will help them be all they are meant to be? Right here:
Note: I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of HarperCollins and received a copy of You're Not the Boss of Me to facilitate my review Mom Central also sent me a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate. pk